Blognut loves Donuts. But since I spent a good portion of my childhood in Buffalo, New York, Blognut also loves hockey. Which is why the Stanley Cup playoffs – highlighted by the President’s Trophy winning Buffalo Sabres!!!! – have occupied much of my time recently and resulted in a severe lack of Blognut posts. But tonight as I watch the New Jersey Devils defeat the Ottawa Senators in double OT, I realize the glaring connection between the NHL, the Buffalo Sabres, the New Jersey Devils, and Donuts, which until now, I’ve over-looked: that being Jim Schoenfeld.

Jim played for the Sabres for 11 years in the 70s and 80s before serving as head coach for a handful of teams (including the Sabres and Devils) and becoming a master mattress dealer on low-budget City Mattress commercials (which I remember dancing to as a child). But Schoenfeld’s crowning achievement came during the 1988 Stanley Cup Playoffs. After Jim’s New Jersey Devils suffered an embarrassing 6-1 loss against the Boston Bruins, he took out his frustrations on referee Don Koharski, screaming at the official to, “Go have another Donut, you fat pig!”

Schoenfeld ended up getting suspended, but his team managed to land a court order preventing his suspension. Koharski and his striped colleagues boycotted the decision and the NHL was forced to use temporary replacement officials for a while.

The incident was later parodied in Wayne’s World. The movie portrayed a rotund police man named Officer Koharski who hung out at the fictional Stan Mikita’s Doughnut Shop – no doubt a play on the Canadian Donut chain Tim Horton’s, thought up by hockey-loving Canuck Mike Myers (both Stan and Tim were renowned old-time hockey players).

Now I know Jim Schoenfeld used the word “Donut” as an insult, implying that such a feast is fit for an overweight and incompetent hockey referee. And while I don’t appreciate his lack of respect for my favorite of all foods, the incident is an important and memorable piece of both Donut and hockey history and must be chronicled. And if Koharski did in fact go “have another Donut,” then good for him. I would’ve been right there with him.

Lastly, how could I write a post about Jim Schoenfeld without mentioning that in 1971 he recorded a folk-rock album called” Schony”, which, despite not mentioning Donuts, does have a track called, “Barbeque in Heaven,” and a maybe-he-should-stick-with-hockey cover of “All Along the Watchtower.” Take a listen.

Nothing makes Blognut want to run screaming from this over-populated city more than sitting in stop and go traffic on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. For those unfamiliar, the BQE is miserable stretch of bombed-out highway connecting NYC’s two largest boroughs, whose condition is reminiscent of post-WWII Dresden and whose potholes insist on challenging the tensile strength of every last nut and bolt in my 2000 Honda Civic Hatchback. The burden of tackling said highway at rush hour, combined with 30 miles of stopped traffic in Connecticut, resulted in it taking seven hours for Mrs. Blognut and me to get to Boston this past Friday night. But let’s be serious. Nothing cures the frustrations of travel like a Donut, right? And upon arriving at Sis-in-law’s Melrose, Mass condo, she suggests an enticing activity for the following day – a Donut tour of Greater Boston.

Now I’m going to break this up into multiple posts because we consumed entirely too many Donuts over the weekend to include in a single piece. And what better place to start than with the mother of all Boston-area Donut shops: Kane’s Donuts.

I’ve read a great deal of Donut literature on Kane’s - covering everything from their monstrous Coffee Roll, to their decadent Bismark, and even their iconic neon signage – but I’d never actually set foot in the place. So Saturday morning I gather my Donut crew, consisting of myself, Mrs. Blognut, Sis-in-Law and Blognut field correspondent Manuel Antonio, and we make our way to Saugus, Mass to hit up Kane’s. But first, in what seems like an exercise in sacreligion, we stop at DD – Sis-in-Law consumes caffeine like I do Donuts, and like so many New Englanders, must start her day with Dunkin coffee. But once at Kane’s we all agree it’s best to leave our corporate purchase tucked away in the car.

The unmistakable Kane’s sign with its neon-pink Donut and glowing yellow arrow is mesmerizing, ensuring that all passerbys stop in whether they want to or not. Just inside the entrance, a boxy, 1970’s-looking security camera eyes the valuables – it’s pointed directly at the crowded rack of plump Donuts rather than the cash register. The cashier tells me that Kane’s was started 52 years ago by Mr. Kane himself (can’t remember his first name) and has become legendary among Saugusians. Though the shop has since been taken over by new owners, the name, along with its hand-cut homemade Donuts and local charm have been preserved.

I notice right away the similarities between Kane’s Donuts, and those from classic NYC Donut-erias like The Donut Pub and the now-defunct Old Fashioned Donuts. Most of the Donuts are thick and visibly dense, and come in standard Northeastern varieties like Marble and Chocolate Cake. Providing some uniqueness to the Kane’s lineup are the 12-inch Coffee Rolls and Bismarks I mentioned earlier. But when it comes down to it, the Kane’s Honey Dip is where it’s at.

The Honey Dip (akin to the Plain Glazed in most non-New England circles) is certainly a Donut among Donuts. This hand-cut ring of yeast-raised dough gives both the Spudnut and The Donut Pub’s Glazed a run for their money, and barring any unforeseen circumstances, it will almost definitely appear on Blognut’s year end, top-ten Donut list. This inflated handful of airy dough literally disappears the moment it hits my mouth, leaving a barely-there sugary aftertaste with subtle hints of cinnamon. Thanks to its ample stature, the glaze to dough ratio is perfectly in line with Blognut’s taste – small Donuts tend to be too sweet for me. The thoroughly addictive Honey Dipped is light and refreshing and leaves me with plenty of room for more Donut. It should also be mentioned that the Honey Dip is able to please even the most educated of palettes, as Blognut field-correspondent Manuel Antonio is an extremely accomplished, classically-trained chef (his picture sits next to Bobby Flay’s in the French Culinary Institute’s Wall of Fame).

The Chocolate Cake isn’t quite as impressive. While the rich, cocoa-y dough has a pleasing, wholly inartificial flavor, the team agrees it’s a bit dry and lackluster compared with our previous course. While again the glaze:dough ratio is right on target, there’s just no life to this Donut. Perhaps adding some additional chocolate, or substituting Valrhona might do the trick. And really the same attribrutes and criticisms can be applied to the Blueberry Cake: Plump. The perfect amount of glaze. But lacking in overall originality. Though I will say that the berries taste like the heavily sweetened kind you get with muffin mixes in small aluminum cans, which I’ve always enjoyed.

But the Marble! Simply entangling the aforementioned chocolate cake dough with a more than equal part plain cake dough results in our second favorite Kane’s offering. The plain cake is able to provide the moistness lacking in the plain chocolate, while the slight cocoa kick elevates the overall flavor beyond what the yellow dough can provide on its own. Plus it’s cool to look at with its rich veins of chocolate. And I know I’m being redundant here, but the glaze:dough ratio is perfect thanks to the Marble’s big and tall physique.

Knowing we’re only on the first stop in our Donut Tour, we opt against trying the gargantuan Coffee Roll. But we do feast on Kane’s other well-known specialty, the Bismark. The traditional German Bismark – also called the Berliner – is one of many European predecessors to the typical jelly-filled yeast Donuts us Americans know so well. But while the average Bismark is typically somewhat bland – usually just a round ball of yeast dough filled with jam/jelly and topped with a sprinkling of powdered sugar – Kane’s has decided to elaborate on, and elongate tradition. Their version is shaped more like a Donut stick - I’d say six inches long if I had to estimate – and has a slight pastry-like consistency. It’s splayed down the middle, filled with black raspberry jam and topped with a thick stream of white cream. The jam/cream combo has kind of a Wimbledon, strawberries and cream effect making it much more interesting than all previous Bismarks I’ve encountered. While I’m typically not one for Donuts involving white cream (as opposed to Boston), the Kane Bismark is choice.

And that’s it for the Donuts. So thanks Mrs. Blognut, Sis-in-Law and Manuel for accompanying me to the finest Donut institution in Massachusetts. As a final thought, I’ll leave you contemplating the inhumane business hours kept by Kane’s Donuts:

Kane’s Donuts
120 Lincoln Avenue
Saugus, Massachusetts

Donut Scores:

Honey Dip -

Chocolate Cake -

Blueberry -

Marble -

Bismark -

Blognut will be up in Boston this weekend, hopefully dining at Kane’s. But here’s a fresh Strawberry Glazed from the Doughnut Plant to tide you over:

While the cake dough is moist, rich and complex, the fresh strawberry-infused glaze tastes artificially-sugary and is far sweeter than I’d expect from a DP Doughnut. It almost tastes like the syrupy strawberries you get at diners on cheap strawberry shortcake. But at least it’s nice to look at.

Donut Score:

Strawberry Cake -

So there’s this new site called Blogsoop, where NYC food bloggers unite. It’s like Citysearch in that it offers readers Web-based restaurant commentary, only instead of relying on hired writers it uses a database of reviews from established food blogs, each of which can be meta-rated by readers in terms of helpfulness. In my opinion Blognut is far from “established,” but even so, the fine folks at Blogsoop have been so kind as to put together the Blognut Top 7, a compilation of my seven favorite NYC Donut spots with accompanying reviews. So go check it out and eat all the Donuts.

Last March (meaning 2006), Blognut broke free of his geocentric shackles for the first time and headed to Yummies Donuts in Venice, Florida. It was actually this initial venture outside of NYC-Donuts that made me decide to take this blog not only national, but international. If it weren’t for Yummies, there never would have been ass-tasting Parisian Donuts, or bland Viennese dough balls, or Donut-munching atop a 10,000 foot Hawaiian volcano. So thanks Yummies.

The reason Blognut was in Venice in the first place was to hang with Mr. and Mrs. Blognut-in-law, who spend three months a year relaxing in the Florida sun. I got to play sloppy golf wearing plaid shorts from Target and eat grouper sandwiches from a place called Marker IV. Then we all piled in the Subaru and headed to Yummies for one of my finest Donut experiences to date. Collectively, we took down a bag of Apple Fritters, Maple-Nut Rolls, Eclairs, and in Yummies’ finest feat of Donut-achievement, Honey-Glazed Blossoms. The Blossom was so good in fact, it recently placed in Blognut’s first anniversary top ten Donut list.

So imagine my disappointment when I realized that day-job responsibilities would prevent me from returning to this magnificent Donut dealer this winter. Donuts should take priority, right? Of course they should. But Donuts don’t pay very well, so the job won out. Thankfully Mrs. Blognut was able to make it down to FLA this year and picked up a few Yummies for me, which, despite being a day old by the time they reached my mouth, were still as good as I remember.

First up, the White-Frosted with Oreo-like Cookie Crumbs (I’m making up this name). The yeast-raised dough on the WFOCC is light and spacious on the inside, with a slightly firm, fried-ness to the exterior. It’s a similar to DD’s yeast dough but with a bit more flavor. The white frosting is rich and almost has the consistency of cream cheese frosting - like the kind on top of carrot cake – while the cookie crumbs nicely combine with the creamy frosting creating an Oreo-dunked-in-milk sensation.

My other well-traveled Donut is the Maple Frosted. The foundation is made of the same yeast dough as the WFOCC, but instead of white frosting and cookies, this one’s topped with thick layer of potent maple frosting. Really the only thing else to say about the Maple Frosted is that you should eat one.

So while not as fulfilling as an actual trip to Yummies, my two Donut souvenirs were the next best thing. And I definitely plan on making the trip next year, not only to eat Donuts, but also to catch a ride in Yummies’ new, brightly-colored Donut van. I imagine riding inside this thing would be akin to the mellowed-out, gluttonous enjoyment of riding inside Scooby’s smoky Mystery Machine, only with more Donuts.

Pictured Up Top: Plain Cake Donut partially eaten by Father-in-law Blognut.

Yummies Donuts
5005 State Road 776
Venice, Florida

Donut Scores:

WFOCC -

Maple Frosted -

The Cupcake Cafe specializes in frou frou cupcakes loaded with butter and topped with ornate and flowery frosting. The entrance to CC’s West 18th Street store is marked by a pink cupcake sign and behind the counter dance three lady cupcakes complete with fake eye lashes and legs that won’t quit. But just when you think the place is about to crumble under the weight of its own frilly decadence, there next to the cakes sits a big, fat, tall and smiple Sweet Potato Glazed Donut (see above) bringing things back down to earth.

This thing is gigantic and towers over its precious cupcake cousins. A good three inches in height, the Sweet Potato looks like it’s been pumped up full of air with a bicycle pump. It has a deep, orange-y brown complexion and is coated with a thick layer of glaze, frozen mid-flow along the Donut’s circumference. The dough is surprisingly dense for a raised Donut - somewhere in between cake dough and that of a typical glazed - and it feels like I’m biting into a thick sponge. The body tastes like freshly-made bread with a definite sweet potato after-taste. It’s an innovative twist on the classic American spudnut, a raised Donut typically made with regular potato flour. Blognut’s impressed.

I also try CC’s monstrous Raspberry Jelly-filled. This one’s roughly the size and shape of a baseball and composed of a bread-like yeast-raised dough, this time without any potato. I decide to cut it in half since the act of biting into this ball of Donut could result in a beard full of powdered sugar. The flavor is definitely not as impressive as the Sweet Potato, mainly because the sprinkling of powdered sugar can’t provide the burst of sweetness that a glaze can. The only thing rescuing it from bland, Eastern European, dinner roll-esque Donutdom, is the major glob of sweet and tart raspberry jelly in the Donut’s center. I don’t know where the Cafe gets it, but it’s some of the best jelly I’ve ever tasted inside a Donut.

Next is the Chocolate Cake Donut, which I’ve already reviewed. So just go HERE to read about its subtle chocolate infusion.

And last is the Whole Wheat Oat cake Donut. Now I know this one sounds healthy. But let’s remember that no matter how much unrefined grain, fiber and vitamins you pack into a Donut, in the end it’s still deep fried. That said, there’s definitely something refreshing about downing a Donut with an earthy, grainy quality that makes me feel like I’m giving my arteries a break for once. The Whole Wheat Oat has a thick, crusty fried exterior and is filled with whole oats and unidentifiable seeds which every now and then impart a slight crunch to the Donut. It kind of tastes like a fried slice of Arnold’s Seven Grain Bread. But when it comes down to it, the illusions of healthiness just aren’t substantial enough to out-weight the Whole Wheat’s lack of sugary satisfaction. It just doesn’t taste like a Donut.

And that’s all, I can’t eat anymore.

The Cupcake Cafe
18 West 18th St.
and
545 9th Ave.
New York, NY

Donut Scores:

Sweet Potato Glazed -

Raspberry Jelly-filled -

Chocolate Cake -

Whole Wheat Oat -

You’d think an establishment proudly advertising a so-called “Donut Lounge” would at least make their own Donuts, right? Not the case. So you can understand my disappointment when this past weekend I stroll into Homer’s World Famous Maltshop on the Upper West Side only to be hit with this grave, paradigm-busting revelation.

Homer’s World Famous Malt Shop is an eclectic greasy spoon serving an array of comforting American fare. The place puts out a fun, quirky atmosphere highlighted by a series of customized cartoon characters resembling a cross between Aqua-teen Hunger Force and Fat Albert. There’s the Malt Shop, serving greasy meats to what seem like mostly families, the annexed Donkey Bar, the adults-only booze-serving section, and the highly-anticipated Donut Lounge. But while the plates of sliders and curly fries being shuffled around by the wait-staff look pretty outstanding, the only Donut presence in Homer’s a small rack in the corner housing a generic assortment of bland looking Donuts. There doesn’t appear to be any lounge what-so-ever – unless you count the malt-shop dining tables. I could call my local Dunkin Donuts a lounge too, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s conducive to lounging.

That said, the lady behind the counter is very nice and promptly takes my Donut order:

Blognut: “I’ll have a Glazed, a Chocolate Cake and a Bavarian Crème.”

Donut Lady: “You got it.”

Blognut: “So do you guys make your own Donuts?”

Donut Lady: “Nope, we get them shipped in. But they couldn’t be fresher.”

Blognut: “Wouldn’t they be fresher if you made them here?”

Donut Lady: “Well, maybe. But a lot of factors go into Donut making.”

I didn’t know what she meant by this. But I knew I was regretting having wasted 45 minutes on the subway getting to Homer’s.

Blognut: “Which bakery do you get them from?”

Donut Lady: “Not sure. Somewhere in Brooklyn I think…maybe Queens.”

Once outside, I bite into the Glazed. Bland, slightly-hard dough and dry flavorless glaze, this Donut fails to surpass even a two-day old Dunkin in flavor. It’s similar in taste and texture to the Glazed varieties available at the countless street carts strewn throughout this city, every morning filling up commuters on bad baked goods and worse coffee. The chocolate isn’t any better – dry, barely any cocoa kick, and covered in the same flaky glaze. Lastly, the Bavarian Crème is composed of the same lackluster dough as the Glazed, only this time stuffed with mediocre yellow crème and a sorry sprinkling of powdered sugar.

I hate to be so harsh on what appears to be a really cool spot in all other facets besides Donuts. But a place advertising a lounge devoted solely to the object of Blognut’s affection serving such sub-par cuisine needs to be called out on it. If only because they’ve got a great space and great atmosphere which shouldn’t go to waste. So Blognut would like to recommend that Homer’s immediately invest in a hefty dough mixer and a pot of boiling oil, and start experimenting with a homemade Homer’s Donut recipe. And perhaps a few couches to justify its lounge-y designation.

Homer’s World Famous Maltshop
487 Amsterdam Avenue (Cross Street: 83rd Street)
New York, NY

Donut Scores:

Glazed -

Chocolate Cake -

Bavarian Creme -